sometimes its difficult

sometimes when i feel like penning down those thoughts of mine that has been nagging at me, i pause and think about the consequences of making it known. seriously i find myself at times truly a strange person. no one knows me thoroughly through and through, i have afterall kept a distance while donning a mask of smiles, but yet i yearn to find someone who will see through me and understand, soul mate

a conflicting feeling, i am alone at times and the sadness and lonely needs get to me sometimes but yet somehow i love being alone too. i do what needs to be done and what i love. in contrast to some of my friends who always hang out with their usual click and all i differ by having none and somehow going out with the same group of people just isnt my cuppa tea. i prefer different circles of friends who when put together can become a greater circle.

when i thought about furthering my studies and the career i wanna embark on, i pause to consider. i have always wanted to take on a job that allows me to fly, the option of being a pilot is out of the question ignoring the fact that i do not have the eyes of an owl. i just thought that those hours in the cockpit just isnt gonna be satisfying enough. a cabin crew is more ideal, i get to travel, meet people and serve people.

but then again after investing all those money getting a degree, i am sure my parents will make a fuss if i went to apply the job of a cabin crew and what happens after. an initial two years contract, then what; to continue for the rest of my life or to settle for a real job. by then i will be nearing twenty eight and that's not a very nice age to start all over again. oh well...

i have a craving for japanese cuisine, give me a pot of nabeyaki udon and maguro sashimi accompanied with a cuppa hot green tea. black seseame ice cream for the ideal ending note. i look forward to them.

however please do not stare with such piercing eyes and really, that air of nobility needs to change.